Serving More Than Just Food: Unpacking Emotional Labor in the Workplace
The gender stereotype is a cankerworm that has eaten deep into every facet of our society. In our schools, children are taught that Fathers earn the bread, while Mothers bake it. This message is erroneous and sets the tone for a lifetime of restrictions.
During my industrial training, I was privileged to work in a quality control environment. As a Microbiology student, I gained firsthand experience with theoretical concepts I had learned in school. The weeks flew by, and I learned valuable skills, networked, and prepared to return to school.
However, a retirement party for our boss’s superior would become a turning point. Our boss announced the event, and I was excited to attend. We were instructed to leave work early on the said day and my boss repeatedly emphasized the dress code: purple. Days before the event, I accompanied a female colleague to purchase a purple blouse, and on the day of the event, we donned our new attire and headed to the venue.
Upon arrival, I noticed a loud difference: my male colleagues were not dressed in purple. Furthermore, our boss directed my female colleagues and me to stay in a designated area, while the males were allowed into the hall where the event was taking place.
The final blow came when our boss announced, ‘You all are to be ushers in this event, you must be on your best behaviour.’ I felt a surge of frustration and resentment. Why weren’t we informed about our roles beforehand? Would we receive compensation for our labour?
As the event unfolded, I struggled to maintain a positive demeanour. The guests were demanding, and the atmosphere was chaotic. I couldn’t help but wonder if I had unknowingly signed up to work at the party. The experience left a sour taste in my mouth.
That was the first time I came across the term ‘Emotional Labor’ – the expectation to be nurturing, caring, and selfless, often at the expense of one’s well-being.
My experience during my IT year was not the last, I had other annoying experiences. There was a time when a senior colleague brought money and instructed me to go buy breakfast for everyone. ‘You are a lady, you would know how to procure better deals.’ I hesitated and he got angry. ‘I am doing you a favour,” he said.
To be honest, I did not do anything, I ended up running the errand. When we are expected to perform tasks without recognition or compensation, we begin to doubt our value. And that is exactly what happened.
I felt like I was drowning in a sea of expectations. Everyone wanted a piece of me, and I was exhausted from trying to please them all. I was angry, resentful, and frustrated – why did I always have to be the one to take care of everyone else? I felt like I was losing myself in the process, like I was just a shadow of the person I used to be.
The first thing I did was stop serving during birthdays and other celebrations. All I did was watch everything unfold – eat the portion of small chops or jollof rice and chicken allocated to me.
I recognized that I was worth more than the expectations and demands placed upon me and that I had the power to define my worth. So I started to push back, to set boundaries, to demand respect. As I write this section, ‘This is me’, the song from the movie The Greatest Showman, lives rent-free in my head. You should listen to it. Sometimes all you need is a song to set you on the right path.
So, my new resolve made one of my male co-workers stop talking to me. He ensured he told everyone that I was unladylike just because I refused to conform to certain standards due to my gender. ‘Who will marry her? By the time she gets older, she will be humbled.’ Gossip had a way of finding its way back. I was irritated at his words but they made my resolve stronger.
Did it affect office work? No, but I had to be the bigger person most of the time. I did not want personal issues to clash with work. He would deliberately do things to trigger me or make work tedious but I took it in giant strides. I was determined to be respected: I would rather be respected than liked. I was not going to be the yes woman for anyone, and I accomplished it.
It was a healthy boost for me: I felt powerful. My actions made that colleague and others stop pushing me around. They knew not to do certain things till I left. Being respected isn’t about being liked by everyone; it’s about being true to oneself. I’m grateful for the journey, difficult as it was, because it taught me the value of self-respect and the power of saying ‘no’
Lessons Learned
My experience with emotional labour in the workplace has taught me a few lessons:
- Emotional labour is not abstract. It is tangible and can be seen and felt by women in the workplace.
- Gender biases are deeply ingrained in our society, perpetuated by subtle messages and expectations. From childhood, we’re socialized to conform to traditional gender roles, which can limit our potential and opportunities.
- Self-advocacy is important in challenging emotional labour. Through speaking up and asserting my needs, I began to break free and create a more equitable work environment.
I’m not alone. My friends in other work environments faced the same. We need to come together to dismantle the systems that encourage emotional labour.
